I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
