Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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