The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
