i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
