I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize