The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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