I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
