I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
