Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize