I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
