btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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