I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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