tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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