Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
