We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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