Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
