I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
