I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
