There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
