im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
