Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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