yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
