I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
