Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Randomize