I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
