So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
