Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
