You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
