I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
