She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
