you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
