We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
