at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
