Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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