My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
