so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
