In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize