i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
