I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
