Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
