They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
