I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
