I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
