Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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