3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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