i don't like sucking hair
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
