I haven't been this sober since birth.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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