I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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