you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
