you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
