They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize