Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
