Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize