I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
should my penis look like a turkey
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
