I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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