I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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