I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
