The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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