maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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