Only a mothe r could love this liver
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
