New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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