He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
