she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
