A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
