He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
