Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
