I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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