Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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