Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
