Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
