i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
