Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
