My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
