One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
