If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
