I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
