I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
