And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
