At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the raccoons are back...
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