Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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