i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
