thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
