I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
