Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
