Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize