I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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