I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
