I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
