I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
